Our last night was spent in Anchorage in a cute little apartment that was spotless and stocked with Swiss Miss hot cocoa. We watched weird TV, and went to bed. We spent the next morning shopping for our dear friends who helped make this trip possible. Thank you again. Now we are flying home to Sher and Nate. I miss my boys so.
Max and I reviewed our time in Alaska at the airport. It is just stunning, and at least I felt clean and connected when I was cold, smelly, and sipping hot broth. Driving through this state was depressing with a guaranteed silver lining in the mountains and snow covered trees. Max said he could stay, that he loved the cold, and the beauty. It was difficult for me to figure out why the landscape didn’t invigorate me completely, the way California did. I found my personal answer in this paradox: we were among connoisseurs of nature—pure and barely touched, who had no interest in connecting, sharing, or relishing in this existence with another person. Don’t tread on me, man. Which is cool, of course, but this was a big difference for me. I do love the part that humanity plays in natural systems. And I do adore finding a like mind who sees and feels what I see and feel...because, it’s important. Alaska doesn’t need the human piece, like I do. Alaska is a Lone Ranger. But god is it pretty.
Twelve days isn’t enough to tear Alaska up with explorative exploits, and we couldn’t push or poke at time; we had to be back to school, to work. We just enjoyed our time. I will need more time, to see, to be, more like the me who doesn’t need a phone, but it will have to wait. And Max will return with even more self awareness, insight, and handle on who he is and what he wants, in good time. As for all of you who fear the back woods and unbridled nature, go! It’s something to see, and nothing to fear. Nature demands our respect, absolutely, but it does not intimidate. Go see for yourself.
Twelve days isn’t enough to make an indestructible tunnel to Max, but I think it’s enough time to remind. I was reminded of who my Max is, what he loves, how he shows it, and all the ways he naturally and reflexively responds verbally and emotionally in relaxed conversation. I was reminded of who I think I am to him, and that maybe I am not someone he loathes. I am reminded that no matter how hard adolescence, and self discovery, and fucking life can be for my boy, I have raised a thoughtful guy. In doing so, I just think, especially after this trip, that Max may not always agree with or understand me, but he knows I’m good...and that I love him. Sometimes in our Cambridge life, it’s real hard to know that; for either of us to know this. Spending time. Two weeks, two days, two hours. Is real important.
